


Trails

by teacett



Series: Begin Again [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aokigahara, Developing Relationship, First Meetings, M/M, Mentions of alcoholism, Minor Character Death, attempted suicide, graphic depictions of death, mentions of gambling, mentions of promiscuity, mentions of smoking, modern japan, no honorifics, platonic for now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-23 00:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6098254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teacett/pseuds/teacett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hey," Naruto interjected, eyes sharp and hands trembling. "Why is it like this? You seem like a pretty decent guy. We both..." He cut himself off and took a shaky breath. "I think we did the best we could, right? So why are we here?" </p><p>(In which two men venture into Japan's famed Suicide Forest and find a reason to keep trying.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trails

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! To avoid any confusion I'd like to present some notes on this work, which can be found at the end (as they're a bit lengthy). I encourage everyone to scroll down and take a look at them before proceeding so that you may have a clearer understanding of the setting and themes.
> 
> While this story will NOT end in major character death, is also not meant to make light of suicide, suicidal thoughts, or any lives that have been lost in the actual Aokigahara; please consider this my way of paying tribute to those lives and attempting to bring some attention to a very serious issue. You may also notice some commentary on Japanese society, which you guys can take however you like.
> 
> I'd like to mention that this is intended as a prequel to a NaruSasu slash fic I have in mind, and there is fairly minimal romance within this chapter of their story. Their relationship will progress quickly after this point, but for now it's basically platonic with itty-bitty hints of infatuation. 
> 
> However, I'm sure you noticed the Mature rating on this story. This chapter contains graphic depictions of corpses at varying degrees of decay and I know some people get squeamish about these things, so I don't think it would be fair to encourage a reader going in without saying something. Please feel free to skim over the rotten bits. :))
> 
> Aaaall that said, I hope this work brings hope to someone out there. Enjoy!

The forest was quiet and humid. As Sasuke stepped over the low barricade, a strange calm flooded his senses.

 _'Welcome to your new home,'_   he thought. With heavy hands and light feet he walked forward and looked out at the foliage. The cloying scent of moss and wood hung in the air like something physical.

He had no sleeping bag, no tape or ribbon. The only thing he kept with him was a plastic bag from the convenience store back home, holding some bottles of tea and a length of rope.

This forest was alien and Sasuke took in all he could. It was nearly noon and the sunlight streaming in from above seemed to make every shadow sharper. As he walked, a nearby branch caught his attention and his eyes fell calm at the sight of a few inches of lilac ribbon hanging limply. He smoothed his fingers over the neatly trimmed end; it looked relatively new, and Sasuke wondered if that person had ever made their way out of the woods.

He wouldn't blame them if not.

Jukai, Aokigahara, whatever one chose to call it the reality remained. Sasuke knew where he was, and why. Letting his hand fall from the branch, Sasuke ducked a bit lower and continued into the dense forest. He had yet to run into any volunteers and counted it as a small blessing. The last thing he needed was some hapless do-gooder trying to convince him life was worth living.

He thought back on an interview he'd read at one point, a local officer's words rising to his mind. 

_I've seen plenty of bodies that have been really badly decomposed, or been picked at by wild animals... There's nothing beautiful about dying in there._

Looking out at the leaning trees and shimmering spider webs, Sasuke considered the forest. Death was a part of life, and as much as society would have loved to keep it hidden, so was rot. Cremation, which had grained popularity in Japan, was evidence of that. It was a lot easier to pick through a handful of bones than to face a bloated loved one full of maggots.

After so many conflicts, after all the suffering they had endured, Japan seemed set on keeping the face of death tucked away along with anything else that might be perceived as "disorderly". Death was difficult to conceive, it was messy.

And it was sad, he knew. He'd seen too much of it in his twenty four years to think any differently.

An hour had passed since he'd crossed the barrier and left the trail, and Sasuke was thirstier than he'd been in a while. He paused and leaned back on a craggy boulder, cracking open a green tea and watching a thick brown spider spin. He felt at ease. Gazing upon that spider, he felt no compulsion to force conversation. He didn't have to look into anyone's eyes and convince them he was okay despite all his losses. This forest was warm and dense and _his_.

He took and swig of tea and smiled to himself. For the first time in months, he felt something akin to love.

Looking out between the trees, his smile faded at the sight of a smooth beige bulge in the landscape. A tent, he realized immediately. He frowned to himself for not noticing something so prominent sooner.

He had two choices really. He'd always been a curious man, but he was perfectly aware that another person's venture into this forest wasn't his business. He looked down and capped his tea, slipping it back into his bag as he came to a decision.

Pushing past low hanging greenery, Sasuke approached the tent and came to a halt several feet away. The stench penetrating his senses didn't give him much hope. The entry flap hung open fully and he looked on in silence.

A girl's body lay inside, soft black hair curling about her cheeks and sprinkled with bits of dried leaves. Her jaw hung crooked and low, dry lips parted to the elements. A sludge of flesh had soaked into her sleeping bag beneath her and various insects were making quick work of what was left. Sasuke felt sadness creep in despite himself; she couldn't have been here long.

There was an empty prescription bottle gripped in one small hand and a thin spool of lilac ribbon in the other. Stepping back from the tent, the man brought his free hand to his stomach. Was she in university? Maybe even younger?

"Hey, uh..." came a voice from behind, and Sasuke felt his shoulders go stiff. Twigs crackled only feet away. Sasuke dropped his arm back to his side and lowered his head.

"Are you a volunteer?" He asked slowly, not looking back.

"Ah. No, nothing like that." The voice was warm, prompting Sasuke to turn. Blue eyes rose hesitantly to meet his, tired and childlike. Sasuke's expression twisted lightly in confusion. A foreigner? 

"I guess we're probably here for the same reasons." The blond said, attempting a smile. Sasuke's frown deepened.

"Are you Japanese?" He asked, unable to stop himself. He had no reason to be polite at this point. The man only shrugged, unoffended.

"Yeah, born and raised. I know I don't look it," He said quietly, sounding a little rehearsed. "My dad was German."

Sasuke made a small sound of acknowledgement. It would have been easy to assume the blond was only there for the folklore, given his appearance.

"Did you know her?" The man asked. Sasuke turned his gaze back to the dirty tent.

"No. I didn't."

He took another step away before turning to face the man fully. The blond, taller and slightly bulkier, rubbed at his arm uncomfortably and Sasuke looked him over before meeting his eyes again.

"No tape."

"...No tape." The man mumbled, lips quirking. Sasuke tucked his hand into the pocket of his jeans and nodded. They faced one another without obligation.

* * *

 

The two men, without a single word, made their way deeper into the woods. Sasuke felt a sense of camaraderie, and without meaning to, slowed his pace to match that of the other man. After nearly half an hour of comfortable silence, the blond spoke up.

"Hold up," He said, and Sasuke paused.

Turning back, he saw his companion gazing down into a pile of crisp leaves. The man bent down and took a long piece of faded rope into his hands, tugging at it experimentally. Sasuke realized then that the stranger hadn't been holding any of his own. When questioned, the man just smiled and shook his head.

"I figured I'd find some." Sasuke couldn't fault the logic. There was more than enough laying about.

"I hope it wouldn't be too much for me to ask your name. Though I guess things like that don't matter much out here, huh?" The blond murmured, winding some of the rope around his left hand and tying a test knot.

"Sasuke." He mumbled. His name felt clumsy in his mouth. The other man looked from his knot, eyes warm.

"Naruto."

Sasuke nodded, resting his back against a graying tree trunk. This guy—Naruto, seemed so...likable. Even in this poignant atmosphere of hopelessness and loss, it was hard not to feel drawn to him.

It wasn't his business, just like the girl in the tent, but he had to ask. 

"Why are you here?"

The muscles in Naruto's arms went lax beneath his hoodie and he released the rope. Bundling it up, he shoved it into his front pocket. For a moment, Sasuke wondered if he'd taken a step too far.

"I guess I can tell you," Naruto said quietly, their eyes meeting. "If you really want to know."

They walked a bit further and found a small clearing. The forest was known both for it's many suicides and many insects, so it took a moment to find a comfortable place to sit. Sasuke chose the trunk of a fallen tree and watched as a ji-gumo skittered back into it's web, short legs pulling delicately at the sack. A tiny shiver trailed down his spine and he felt Naruto's chuckle more than he heard it.

"Not a fan?"

"...Not particularly." Sasuke admitted.

"You picked a great place to die, then." Naruto joked. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"It's one thing I never got used to, living here. Too many goddamn bugs."

Naruto blinked, looking up.

"So are you a local?"

"I'm from Saitama. The bug comment was just Japan in general."

"As compared to...?" Naruto asked quietly. The brunet figured this would qualify as small talk, but it didn't feel forced. So he let it happen.

"I studied abroad in America for about two years. Not nearly as many insects."

"America, huh?" Naruto mumbled, toying with a dried leaf. "I always wanted to go."

A somber mood took them. Quietly, Sasuke reached into his bag and pulled out a second bottle of tea.

"You're probably thirsty." He said, tossing it Naruto's way. The blond caught it with surprising poise.

"Thanks."

It went quiet again and Naruto sat himself on a large rock across from Sasuke. A few minutes later, the taller capped his tea and pushed a hand through his hair.

"Yokohama. I'm from Yokohama."

Sasuke nodded. Naruto rested his elbows on his knees, still gripping his tea.

"I guess I was never much good at anything. Piss poor grades, average income. I've had a string of dead end office jobs since I graduated. No one believes me when I say I actually tried but I did, I worked my ass off. My parents were hard workers too, great people. They got caught up in a robbery when I was nine and bled out together, very romantic. Hah. Dad always used to talk about how low the crime rate was here."

The air seemed like water around them as Naruto spoke. Sasuke only listened.

"I dunno," The blond continued, "I guess it just built up over the years. I ended up drinking more often than not until my boss finally put his foot down...I was replaceable. I thought I'd be alright with my savings for a while, but that ran dry within a month." A small laugh left his lips. "Probably shoulda saved that money I blew on booze."

"We all have our vices." Sasuke muttered.

"Yeah?"

Sasuke's lips thinned.

"I smoke a lot." And Naruto hummed, tipping his chin up.

"That stuff'll kill ya."

"Hypocrite." Sasuke snorted, and Naruto managed to stifle a laugh.

"Maybe." He conceded. He smiled, and Sasuke saw straight through to his exhaustion. He let the man continue.

"Last week I got an eviction notice. I don't have anyone important to me back home, so I figured I could just start over somewhere—maybe Osaka, I always thought it'd be nice to live out there. It felt like a decent plan.

"I was hittin' the bottle one night after packing and I just, I dunno, it came to me." He said, voice low. "It would just be the same thing all over again. The same stupid job, the same whiskey, nothing would change. I...I wouldn't change."

Sasuke turned the half empty tea in his hands, brows drawn close.

"So I took a day, just thought on it all I could." Naruto sighed, "I couldn't think of a single damn reason to put myself through that again. My family is gone, my social life is a joke, and I can't afford to go back to school. This is just—"

"Easier." Sasuke finished, voice weighed with understanding.

"Yeah."

A minute passed, the only sound being Naruto sipping at his tea. Sasuke looked up at the sky with hooded eyes. 

"My mother always used to say, 'if you work hard, the world is sure to bring you happiness'." He said, and smiled at the sound of her words from his mouth. "She and my brother, they kept me going. I can't say I had a hard life or a tough childhood. The truth is, I was probably sheltered."

Naruto looked up at him, and Sasuke ducked his head, rubbing at his arm self-consciously. It felt awkward to be speaking so openly with someone he'd met less than a day ago, and here of all places.

"Our father killed himself when I was fifteen. Guess he'd made some shitty investments or...honestly, I don't really care why he did it." His voice thickened and he shoved a hand through his fringe irritably. "It destroyed mom. She was the one to find him. I remember thinking, 'how could you be so selfish?'. Leaving us behind for something like money. At least when I go, I won't be hurting anyone else."

"Are they, uh. Not around then?" Naruto asked carefully.

Cicadas chirped distantly. Sasuke finished off his tea and dropped the empty bottle back into the bag.

"She and my brother were out shopping when a truck crashed through the front of the market. I was at work, so I didn't get the call until later. They didn't make it."

The blond stiffened slightly. He'd seen coverage of the incident on the news around Christmas, but didn't think much of it. Three people had been killed, two more critically injured.

"It was quick." Sasuke rolled his shoulder, his words a sigh. "They kept saying that over and over. It was fast, they didn't suffer. I was grateful for that at least."

"Listen, I..." Naruto began quietly. He seemed unsure. "I don't want to say I'm sorry, because I know that won't help you. But it sucks that it happened. It shouldn't have."

Sasuke thanked him. He was proud when his voice barely wavered.

"After the funeral was dealt with, I guess I started to self-destruct. I gambled a lot, slept around too. I'd have these dreams," His eyes fell to the forest floor. "And I'd just feel mom and Itachi. Just the two of them, engulfing me. Every night."

Naruto gripped his tea firmly, eyes stinging. He was familiar with those dreams. He wiped at his eyes and let his frustration flood him.

"Fuck."

Sasuke let out a soft bark of laughter, blinking a few times.

"Yeah."

"Hey," Naruto interjected, eyes sharp and hands trembling. "Why is it like this? You seem like a pretty decent guy. We both..." He cut himself off and took a shaky breath. "I think we did the best we could, right? So why are we here?" 

Sasuke, who had managed to keep himself outwardly calm up until this point, clenched his jaw and dug his heels into the soil.

"I guess this is just how it turned out for us. It happens."

"No!" Naruto shouted, throwing his tea down and digging his palms into his eyes. "I hate this, I hate it! This isn't what I wanted my fucking life to be!"

Sasuke could only watch as his companion broke down, heart heavy in his chest. He wanted to be selfish, exactly as he had been for the last several months, but something about seeing someone so vulnerable tore at him. Their joint discovery of the young girl's body, the way they had walked so easily through the woods together...their history was brief but it felt so real. So tangible. 

He buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath, fighting the urge to cry or scream or something else equally as childish. Itachi would never lose it like that. Always so strong.

Sasuke shut his eyes tightly to the oncoming burn.

"We're adults, we're supposed to handle whatever we get. _That_ is what our country wants from us. You go to school, you work, you raise a family. If you can't do that, you're not worth much."

Naruto laughed spitefully at that.

"Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe that's why this fucking forest is so infamous." He spat, and he kicked at the leaves at his feet.

Sasuke gazed down at those leaves, and then his flimsy plastic bag. Before he could stop himself he leaned down and pulled his length of rope from within. Naruto was quiet now, watching.

"I think we should do it here."

"You mean..." Naruto murmured, voice low.

"Yeah." Sasuke nodded and stood. Crossing the small patch of dirt and leaves, he held a hand out to Naruto. Staring up at Sasuke, the blond hesitantly reached out and took the offered hand, pulling himself up. They were nearly eye level now, only a foot apart. Naruto could see those lonely eyes close up, and caught himself thinking, _'This guy is amazing'._

He lowered his gaze, and Sasuke released his hand with a small smile.

"There's the jerk who spooked me."

"Ah, huh?" Naruto asked, meeting Sasuke's eyes again.

"When we met, you seemed meek. I saw another side of you when we were talking, but right now you look the same as you did then."

Naruto couldn't help himself. He laughed softly and crossed his arms.

"Yeah? Weird, I've heard a lot of words to describe me, but meek has never been one of them. Guess I'm feeling a little different out here."

"You seem charismatic," Sasuke said, "If I didn't know better, I'd pin it on your European half."

"What, you don't think my Japanese side would have anything to do with it?" Naruto teased.

Sasuke hid his widening smile behind his hand, still holding the rope.

"To be honest," He mumbled. "I've never found my—our people especially charming or...anything of the sort really.  With the exception of my mother, and yeah, I know how that sounds."

Naruto grinned full force, and Sasuke was floored. His grip on the rope loosened slightly. Wow.

_Wow._

"I dunno man, I doubt my German half is much more "charming". Dad was a stone cold fox."

"Ah, the cool type."

"Mhm."

"You definitely take after your mother then." Sasuke said, smirking.

"That's ri—hey! You..." Naruto started, but stopped himself when he saw the look in Sasuke's eyes. Warm and dark, no loneliness to be found. The blond swallowed and turned quickly, swiping his bottle of tea from the ground for lack of any other excuse. His cheeks felt hot.

"Listen," he started. It felt awkward to even bring it up now, after that easy banter. He felt lighter now, if only a little. This forest was feeling emptier by the second.

It wouldn't be right to cut such an amazing conversation off prematurely, would it? And with such finality?

"I uh, I know we don't really know each other. I get that. Hell, maybe if we'd met earlier we wouldn't be here at all."

Sasuke was quiet now, and when Naruto finally looked back to him, the man had his guard up. It wasn't hard to tell. Talking like this, making yourself vulnerable to anyone, was never easy.

"We might not really have anything in common beyond this. I don't know you well enough to judge," Naruto felt the strength in his words. "I might just be grasping at smoke here, but hear me out."

Sasuke's eyes drifted to the side but Naruto knew he was listening.

"You're a good guy. Despite what you told me about how it's been for you I'm still sure of that. We've had our share of shit, but maybe," It was getting harder to speak. The blond rubbed at the back of his neck.

"Maybe if we just stayed in touch we could talk about it more. I mean. Y'know, as...friends."

Sasuke was frozen to the spot, and the rope in his hand felt thicker than ever. He fingered it weakly and found Naruto's gaze. The quiet was as brittle as the bones beneath their feet.

"Are you suggesting we leave?"

"I...yeah. Yeah, I am."

There were two options now, and it wasn't as cut and dry as it had been before. Sasuke couldn't remember the last time he'd spoken to someone like this, or the last time he'd felt so comfortable with anyone outside of his immediate family.

The thought of facing society again was certainly less daunting with Naruto here. He thought back on the girl in the tent, her skin gummy with decay. A shudder traced him.

"I don't know if I can," He choked out. He took a step back. Naruto saw him then, the boy who had watched his family fall apart once, and then for a second time as a man. He could see the desperation for something, a change, a chance.

Naruto saw it in the mirror every single day.

He took a slow breath and stepped forward. Slowly but with a confidence Sasuke couldn't have even hoped for at a time like this, Naruto placed his hand over Sasuke's paler one. The rope hung between them and Sasuke felt ill.

"I, I really don't—"

"We can. We don't have to stay." Naruto urged gently, and he lifted Sasuke's hand to grip in both of his. "We don't have to do it alone, either."

Sasuke, eyes wide and conviction weak, felt the rope cutting into his hand. He shook, and realized that Naruto was shaking too. Shaking hard.

They stood there until the sun began to sink toward the treetops, and not once did Naruto's grip loosen. When Sasuke finally looked up into those blue eyes, he seemed so much younger.

"I don't want to die," He whispered. "I just want things to be okay again." 

* * *

 

Naruto and Sasuke walked alongside each other quietly. A compass would have been no use even if they'd had one, due to the rich magnetic soil. They simply had to make due following a long stretch of tape and keeping an eye out for, well, anything really. People, signs. They had to watch their feet too, with all the twisting roots and vines eager to trip them.

"Your mom sounds really amazing by the way." Naruto said, stepping over a cluster of large rocks. Behind him, Sasuke chuckled.

"She was, and she was tough. Probably the strongest person I've ever met."

"My aunt—she's gone now, but she used to tell me all these stories about my mom too. I know you were jokin' but I think I really do take after her." Naruto laughed.

"Hm?"

"She was kind of a trouble maker." He admitted, smiling. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Color me surprised."

Naruto huffed, and Sasuke might have laughed had he not bumped into Naruto's broad back. He went still, stepping to the side and peering straight ahead. Something lukewarm settled in his stomach at the sight.

Less than ten feet ahead, a man's corpse lay limp against a tree trunk. The body seemed older than the one they'd seen earlier, and nearly all of the meat had been pulled from his bones. The noose around his neck had bleached and rotted; at his skeletal feet, Sasuke saw a water bottle and what could have been a paperback novel. Frowning, he looked about for the mans shoes and was surprised to see them not even a meter from his own.

Just as the brunet opened his mouth to speak, Naruto walked forward and carefully picked up the shoes. Hiking boots green with moss, an unfamiliar brand name stitched onto the side.

Sasuke could only watch as the blond crossed the ground and stood silently before the body. With a small bow of respect, he set the boots down neatly in front of their owner.

"If we had gone through with it," Sasuke said softly, breaking the silence. "No one would know he was here, either."

"Yeah."

Naruto made his way back to Sasuke's side then, and they left the hanged man in peace. 

* * *

 

It didn't take long for them to find their way back to the trail, but by the time they had, darkness was settling in. Sasuke shivered at the chill in the air.

"Be careful. There's some barbed wire here, it's kinda low to the ground."

"There's barbed wire at this entrance?" Sasuke muttered. "I guess they really do want to keep people out."

Naruto gave a wry smile and glanced back over his shoulder.

"Can you blame them?" 

* * *

 

The parking lot was a sight for sore eyes, and Sasuke was oddly relieved at the sight of his black Honda. As he reached into his coat pocket for his car key, he gazed down at the plastic bag in his other hand.

It was trash really, two empty bottles of tea and a pristine loop of rope. He really had no use for it, but somehow the throwing it away here felt wrong. He would at least wait until he got home.

"Did you drive?" He asked Naruto, hitting the unlock button on his car and turning back to face the man, now hovering behind him.

"Oh, uh. I don't really own a car right now. My old one gave up the ghost years ago and I just never got around to replacing it."

Sasuke frowned, crossing his arms. The plastic bag rustled lightly.

"It's a two hour drive from Yokohama, Naruto. How did you get here without a car?"

"Ah, I...uh," Naruto stammered, and Sasuke could just barely see the color flooding his cheeks. "I might have hitched a ride."

" _Might_ have?" Sasuke groaned. "God, and I thought you had some sense."

Naruto laughed, and Sasuke found himself a bit thankful that the man actually seemed to get his sense of humor. It didn't happen often. Naruto punched Sasuke's shoulder playfully.

"Well it's not like I had much to lose, man."

Sasuke, smirking to himself, grabbed a fistful of Naruto's hoodie and pulled him along.

"You're going to be troublesome. C'mon, we can grab dinner on the way back."

They left, and the forest was still.

**Author's Note:**

> Aokigahara (青木ヶ原), also known as Jukai (樹海/lit: Sea of Trees) or simply the Suicide Forest, a real location in Japan. Found at the base of Mount Fuji, this thick forest is Japan's most notorious suicide site. The floor of this area is actually volcanic rock, and the layer of soil above it is incredibly magnetic, rendering compasses useless. 
> 
> This forest is said to be so dense and isolated that no noise from the outside can penetrate, making your breaths "sound like a roar". 
> 
> Suicide Statistics, According to Wikipedia:
> 
> "Statistics vary, but there were around 30 suicides documented every year during the period leading up to 1988. [...] In 2010, it was estimated that more than 200 people had attempted suicide in the forest, of whom 54 completed the act. Suicides are said to increase during March, the end of the fiscal year in Japan. As of 2011, the most common means of suicide in the forest were hanging or drug overdose."
> 
> More small facts relevant to the fic:  
> \- There are several signs along the main trail pleading with hikers to consider their loved ones before they take their lives, and to stay on the path.  
> \- The people who have worked in the forest insist that tents are a sign of hesitance to commit suicide; the people who camp out need time to consider their future (or lack thereof), while the people who are firm in their resolve simply walk in and end their lives.  
> \- Trails of ribbon or plastic tape to mark a path are also considered signs that the person may want a way out should they change their mind.  
> \- Volunteers often patrol the forest, looking to gently intervene should they find a living person past the trail.  
> \- Annual body searches have been held since 1970. 
> 
> If you enjoyed this fic and find that you might like to learn more about this historic location, I highly recommend "Japan's Suicide Forest", a short documentary on the VICE Youtube channel.
> 
> Please look forward to upcoming works in this series.


End file.
